How You don’t Lose Yourself in a Relationship

I will ask you one simple question: Are you really happy with your life?

If you can answer YES from your heart, you can stop reading. If you just hesitated for one second, keep on reading.

The Rule of 3

I want to share with you a really beautiful concept – one that has the potential to transform your life. Did you know that there is an order to this universe? A sacred rule that, if we ignore it, will lead us to destruction?

I introduce you to – The Sacred Order of Life:

I like to visualise this order with 3 seeds of corn. Why corn? Because according to the Muhisqa people, corn represents the will of oneself – the will to be a better person in this world. This will is the base of all transformation – and ultimately happiness.

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Find Your Light

First comes and will always come one thing – yourself. You are the one that is closest to you, you know yourself best – your dreams, talents, battles and beliefs. No one spends as much time with yourself as you do. But the sad truth is that most of us don’t even know who they are. They are looking for all the answers and solutions outside, when really, this is the most far away they will ever be from happiness.

We are ignorant, we are blind, we are helpless.

Isn’t it true that we have this idea that if our life on the outside is perfect – the perfect look, job, partner, family, car, house, friends, image – we will finally be happy? But let me tell you this: there is no postponing of happiness. It’s now or never. Isn’t it true that, beyond all of this perfection, you still feel empty inside? Something will always be missing … And that something is the connection to yourself – to your own light. What is this light? It’s your personal power. That you are sure about the things you want in your life, and the things that don’t serve anymore. That you live every day in balance within yourself, and things on the inside – like your emotions or thoughts – and things on the outside – like other people or circumstances – do not affect your inner state of peace.

What is the one thing you should never negotiate?
– Your inner peace.

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Once you live in your full power, you can use that to inspire others with your actions. And isn’t that what we all want? To shine with our light, so it can spark the light in others. And when the moment comes, you will attract another light, your special person.

The Union

Only when our heart is full, we can receive another person with love. If we didn’t heal all our insecurities, judgements, fears and past wounds, we will carry these into the relationship – in the hope that another person will heal us. But deep down we know that only we can do that. Truth is most of us put their hopes and trust into another person, when really all the answers are inside of us. And aren’t 90% of relationships exactly that? We hold on to our partner and the false feeling of love and security – but believe me this is as far from love as it can get. Love isn’t attachment, clinging or dependence – it is the exact opposite.

How can you expect someone to love you when you don’t love yourself?

If you judge yourself every day because of the things you have done in the past, if you play the same drama over and over in your head, if you believe all the false ideas someone else put in your head – you can never find liberty. And without liberty, there is no love. Most people live in their own cage and they have that idea that the partner has the key, but really they just both live in their cages, next to each other. When you ignore step 1 of the order and jump straight to step 2 – your relation is bound to fail. The key is to liberate yourself, only then will you attract a free soul into your life. Make the maths:

1 half burning light + 1 half burning light = 2 half burning lights
1 full shining light + 1 full shining light = love

And I want to make one thing clear: Love is a construction, not a feeling. Most of us confuse that feeling of “being in love” with actual love. Being in love is a temporal state of the ego, where we get blinded by all the love hormones and see only the good things about that person. Once that feeling fades away, and we bring all our problems into the relationship, we start to fight, to hurt and eventually to break up – always in search of this short-term “being in love feeling”. But this is nothing but an illusion. True love can only appear if we look past this initial illusion and really see the other person – and if we construct it, every single day. If we aren’t occupied with our own problems, we can really start to plant this beautiful seed of love and nurture it every day, so it can grow into a beautiful flower.

New Life

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If you are balanced within yourself, if you nurtured a beautiful relationship, only then is the time to bring a new life onto this planet. If you skip step 1 or step 2, and you create new life, this life will be loaded with all the issues and problems you haven’t healed. And it will grow up with the same judgements, insecurities and fears that you project on them. And this is the exact reason why so many people on this earth have so many things to heal – because their clean soul got born into a world of disorder. Do you want your child to carry around your problems, just as you carry around the problems of your parents? You need to start to get conscious about where you are in this order – and be sure that there is no good or bad.

The key to a happy life is to follow its order.

And if you realise you are already in a relationship or you already have a child and you have skipped step 1 – then don’t panic. Probably 90% of humanity are in exactly that situation. Let me tell you this: It’s never too late to find your own light. 

The important part here is to realise that you still have a lot of things to heal. Once you realised that, you will have to accept it. And trust me it is not easy to accept all the shit you carry within yourself – you will be surprised. But then, nothing is really hard or easy – it’s the same like good and bad – these are just concepts. These concepts don’t really exist.

Life does not consist of opposites, but of experiences.

And after the acceptance follows the transformation. Because it isn’t enough to just see your darkness, you have to be willing to transform it – that will that is represented by the golden corn – to be a better person. And in the end you will see, that you are and always have been, pure light. 

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